Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014), PG-13, ★

Optimus Prime fights the bad guys again for revenge.

*sighs* Transformers. Michael Bay is back. Why? I'll confess there were moments of his last movie, Pain and Gain, where he had some good scenes with actual good characters that really chewed the scenery and made me care about the story, but it gets a little too tonally inconsistent for me and I gave it a mixed review. I don't like the director because he just captures scenery and visual effects and not show us the story or the character development. His best film is without question The Rock with Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage and Ed Harris. The first Transformers movie was fun and Armageddon, despite its preposterous plot and really fast-paced editing, is a guilty pleasure. But, now, we have another Transformers movie and this movie was boring, over-the-top, painfully noisy and incoherent.

Oh, boy. I don't know what I'm writing in because this plot does not make any sense. Ok, 65 million years ago, a Cybertronian spaceship uses device transforming the "terra firma" into metal that can be used to build Transformers. That seemed a bit irrelevant to start the film, but it is integral to the storyline, I suppose.

Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) is a struggling inventor who lives in Texas and his business partner, Lucas (T.J. Miller) helps him out collect metal for his inventions. Cade also purchases a worn-out, rusted truck for $15. Cade's daughter, Tessa (Nicola Peltz), disapproves of his father's worthless and latest purchase. He manages to figure out and examine that the truck is a Transformer because there's a transmission inserted inside him signaling to call all Autobots.

Cade restarts Optimus Prime saying that the Autobots are being hunted down by Lockdown. As Lucas tries to collect parts to restore Optimus, he sells them out to Savoy (Titus Welliver) and his men. As Savoy and his henchmen threaten Cade, Lucas and Tessa, Optimus breaks out and rescues them as well as Tessa's secret boyfriend, Shane (Jack Reynor).

After a lengthy chase, Optimus gets Cade, Lucas and Shane into a desert to meet the remaining Autobots-Bumblee, Drift, Hound and Crosshairs. Optimus explains that a company called KSI is executing the Transformers and that Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer) is behind the whole operation telling him that this it is the age of extinction for the Transformers. Joshua Joyce (Stanley Tucci) is doing all he can to stop Attinger from corrupting and threatening the Transformers to turn into metal to substitute the earth land.

Wahlberg, Peltz and Lucas running.

I do not know where to begin with this film. This film is 2 hours and 45 minutes and 2 hours is just pure CGI and visual effects and they are utterly worthless to look at. We just look at the visual effects from Industrial Light and Magic to see if they are moving and killing each other to make sure that it is interesting. That's the purpose, right? If something is moving, we notice it on-screen. How fun. This movie is an implausible and worthless movie that could have used the money for something more creative and more useful for the planet. The last hour during the very, very long action sequence in China is well-staged but I have no idea they were fighting for. It's like a scene where robots are playing in their sandbox and they don't mind destroying buildings and homes and maybe injuring people.

Mark Wahlberg does all he can to present himself in front of the Transformers. Even though he is an upgrade from Shia LaBeouf, he does not really do much except run around, using robotic weapons and being in danger. I did not like how Bay used Nicola Peltz as another stereotypical hot short-skirt daughter with glittery sweat. It is just not nice and the stereotype is getting really old. Grammar is over-acting as a Frasier-like villain who acts like he is in a bad mood because he just got banned from the bar from Cheers. The only performance that is fun and worthy is Stanley Tucci's performance. He brings a bit of range that is allowed to make us be interested as to why he is relevant to the story.

Speaking of the story, there's hardly a story. It's just metal having sex, I mean, fighting each other, running, explosions, and a dull commercial with rapid editing. One thing I have to point out that the characters living in Texas do not act like that they are from Texas, just people visiting Texas who happen to find a home for themselves or they just got off a plane and acted that they are in Texas. Is it worse than Revenge of the Fallen? No, but it is close. Even though there are cool shots and Tucci's performance was fun, this movie was useless and horrendous.

Thank you, Michael Bay, for taking 3 hours of my precious life away that I will never get back. I am still partially deaf from that noise. I think your movie will have a place of honor on my "worst" list in the end of the year.

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