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The Worst Movies of 2014

Yep! That's how I felt after most of them.


To be honest, this was a harder year picking the 10 worst films of 2014 than picking the top 10 films of 2014 (coming in two weeks). It was just hard picking 10 films from the 25 films I gave mediocre reviews, actually that is a record for me. Most of the time I was bored watching the worst films than being repulsed by the material on-screen. It seems to me some of the stuff on the list are half of the movies that are remakes or sequels. Are there any ambitious projects in the making? Anyway, here are the 10 movies and dishonorable mentions that I suffered through this year. Ugh, here we go...

10. Dumb and Dumber To

I usually use #10 as the most disappointing movie of the year. There were a lot that were disappointing, but since the first film was funny. The 20-year reunion of Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey was hardly funny. The first 15 minutes was a funny skit, however, the remainder of the movie was dull and duller too. How sad!

9. Men, Women & Children

Hey, Adam, I had to make a decision between Blended and this movie. I chose this movie because you didn't just suck in this year's comedy (which was better than average), but you sucked in a drama that bored me and made no sense. Again, congratulations making my worst 10, I know you want to make more money and make us suffer more. Always next year, man!

8. Sex Tape

I guess men were hungry to see Diaz naked. Guys, you do see some, but this is not the right movie. Sorry, fellas, this movie is not really funny and the tape is not really sexy nor funny. Let's admit it, even though I haven't seen Annie, Diaz has had a bad year. Refocus on your career and get back in the game, Cameron. You too, Jason Segel.

7. A Million Ways to Die in the West

Seth, dude, I know you are funny with Family Guy and Ted. You are a renaissance guy until this movie. You cannot make another Blazing Saddles. Your formula does not work. The jokes are just not there. Even though the only nice touch was Charlize Theron, most of the cast looks happy they got a paycheck, but at times, looks confused as to what the punchline is to a joke. You can tell that Giovani Ribisi needs some help with his character and MacFarlane is just standing there and using his body language to say, "Just Do It!" This would not be a great background for a Nike ad.

6. Endless Love

This Cialis commercial featuring "Abercrombie and Fitch" models is just endless (LOL!) with them caressing each other, kissing, gazing at each other, and having sex near the fireplace. It's not really a movie. Heck, even Alex Pettyfer couldn't help gazing at the plane taking off from the airport which questionably contains Gabrielle Wilde. How does he know if that plane had Wilde in there? Wilde may be shopping or sitting down texting near the gate.

5. Let's Be Cops

Woo-hoo! Let's celebrate by finally being in a movie! Hey, how about they pretend to be cops in a movie? Hell, yeah! Hey, guys, your chemistry is there, but the jokes are stupid and to back that up, the case isn't interesting. So, what do y'all do? Party! P-A-R-T-WHY? Cause' you're gonna! "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!!" Mission accomplished for making me suffer through this turd of a comedy.

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Let's just be honest! Do you even, at the slightest bit, miss these Ninja Turtles? Not really! But, I guess Michael Bay, the producer, did and have to basically make a truce with Megan Fox to get her into the project. Well, kids, I know you had fun with these Turtles, but all I saw was mass destruction, product placement, and terrible remarks and you know why, because, Bay is involved in the project. It's most likely to see these reptilian bandits again in a sequel!

3. Winter's Tale

And, after going through that fantasy nonsense in a fairy-tale word, Colin Farrell and Jessica Brown Findlay (from "Downton Abbey") live happily ever after.

Epilogue:
While the loving couple has ridden into the sunset, one movie lover took an aspirin to relieve himself from his headache from trying to solve the puzzle as to what the hell the movie was about. He complained about no characters to care about, a terrible story, and another corny romance full of snow and sun. After relieving from his lengthy pain, he wrote it as one of the worst films of the year. THE END

2. Transformers: Age of Extinction

GUYS, RUN, MICHAEL BAY WANTS TO GET YOU IN ANOTHER TRANSFORMERS SEQUEL!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES AND CAREERS!!! Oh, wait, too late, y'all are trapped in a Transformers universe that we cannot interpret to see what robot is fighting with what robot in an endless, painful action sequence in a 3-hour film. Wahlberg looks like he is in another war film, Peltz is objectified in her short shorts, and Tucci is just baffled he has been chosen in this project.

AND THE WORST FILM OF 2014....

1. Left Behind

As Nicolas "NOT THE BEES!!!" Cage gazes into open space, he is contemplating to himself why did he volunteer to be in this movie. Why is he still ruining his career? What got him in this position in the first place? Maybe, he should fire his agent. Maybe, he fired three already in his career. I hate being stuck on a plane with uninteresting characters for 2 hours with them screaming, arguing, hollering and reciting Biblical verses. Well, the latter is on the ground. But, this film was agonizing to watch from beginning to end. There is just nothing to think about or talk about after the film is over. I would watch the Wicker Man bees scene 25 times than watching this movie once. To prove that it is better, you can laugh at this Wicker Man clip...


Yep, that is most of his career, ladies and gentlemen...

Dishonorable Mentions:

300: Rise of an Empire

Annie

This is Where I Leave You

Transcendence

Tusk

Video about the Worst Movies of 2014: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7vZfNORr8k

Updated: Jan. 4

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