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Machete Kills (2013), R, 2 stars

Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez as Machete and Luz.
Robert Rodriguez really knows how to create a movie that has a flair of imagination and gutsy characters. But, sometimes, the imagination can go a little too far. I find that the last two Spy Kids seemed to go on different territory taking away the spirit of adventure and entertainment. The previous Machete movie seemed to have some originality and spark, but the movie just went on and on. This movie, however, has a few bright characters, but a joyless and confusing story that seemed to go nowhere.

Try to keep up with me because I cannot really chronologically remember what is going on in this movie because it was a definitely a confusing array of events and I pay attention carefully. Maybe, I was having an off day. Machete (Danny Trejo) and Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba) try to stop military men from selling weapon to the cartel on the Arizona-Mexico border. Unfortunately, there was a terrible ending in that fight. (Come on, I mean, see the trailer.)

However, Machete is accused of murder by Sheriff Doakes (William Sadler). However, the phone is ringing and it is the President. The President saves Machete from hanging and wants him for a mission. Machete goes to the White House and sees the President (Carlos Estevez (Charlie Sheen)) informing Machete that Marcos Mendez (Demian Bichir) has a plan to launch the missile into Washington unless Mexico is invaded. Machete performs this mission under a few conditions.

He meets Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard) to help him on the mission. Miss San Antonio and Machete fly to Acapulco to meet Madame Desdemona (Sofia Vergara). She runs a brothel and wants her employees of prostitutes to get their earned share. But, however, as Machete goes to the brothel, Desedemona and her band of prostitutes start shooting. (What?)

Sofia Vergara as Desdemona with her "machine gun bra" and a band of prostitutes.
I can't really go deeply enough into this story because there would be spoilers and that would be unfair. I am really disappointed with Rodriguez because I do not see the passion in the filmmaking, just commercial style. There are all also too many characters that I could not keep up with because the story was just too disorganized.

Danny Trejo, of course, sleepwalks the role because he is Machete and saying lines like, "Machete don't tweet." and other stuff. Michelle Rodriguez's character, Luz, does not come in until the second half of the movie and I think that's where the movie gets a little better. She needs to have her own movie. Vergara has, I think, a little too much fun with her character just yelling and screaming and firing bullets from her bra. Her character does not really pay off in the end. The few characters I did enjoy were the President because Charlie, I man, Carlos Estevez has a lot of fun lines and Mel Gibson as Voz, which unfortunately comes in the second half, turns out to be a very entertaining villain.

The other characters, including El Camaleon (played by Lady Gaga, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Antonio Banderas), are pretty forgettable. The movie has a lot of bloody, stylistic and cartoony violence and the action is pretty entertaining. But, it turns to be like a home video. There is no central story. I am afraid that this movie is just a concept that should have been more organized.

Oh, I almost forgot that there is a trailer called "Machete Kills...in Space" preceding this movie and that was the best part of the movie. I don't know if Rodriguez will participate in it, but I'm not too excited about the movie right now.

**


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