Mortdecai (2015), R, ★1/2

Gwyneth Paltrow and the curly-mustached Johnny Depp.

Let's talk about Johnny Depp. He was a marvelous revelation when he entered Hollywood when he was involved in a TV show, 21 Jump Street. Then, he made his movie acting debut in the first A Nightmare on Elm Street and Oliver Stone's Platoon. Since then, he has been in numerous films, largely thanks to Tim Burton such as: Edward Scissorhands, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Ed Wood, Donnie Brasco, Chocolat, Blow, etc. However, ever since The Tourist in 2010, his choice of picking movies has gone to hell. The only movies I liked out of his filmography in that time is Rango and Into the Woods, which he has a very small role. But, his streak of lousy movies continues.

Lord Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) is an art dealer who meets with Fang (Junix Inocian) at a casino at a Hong Kong meeting to sell a rare vase. However, after a misunderstanding with Fang regarding their last transaction, Fang's goons start a shootout and as one of Fang's men tries to cut off a finger from his hand, he is beaten by Jock (Paul Bettany), Mortdecai's faithful manservant. They both flee from the shootout.

Mortdecai and his wife, Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow) have come into debt recently and as he returns to his home in London, she notices his mustache has grown. She is completely repelled and angrily gags whenever he kisses her, which prompts Mortdecai to gag in response as a funny and sympathetic gag reflex. We also learn about Jock as to how he got into into the business, his life, and how sex has gotten him into trouble.

When the McGuffen, the printing from Goya, is stolen, Inspector Alistair Martland (Ewan McGregor) is put on the case to recover the painting. Martland has been jealous of Mortdecai stealing Johanna, when both Martland and Johanna were in college, from him. He informs Mortdecai and Johanna of the theft, and he convinces Mortdecai and Jock to recover it with him if they get 10% of the payment for their work. Many elements of other movies come into play as they get further into the investigation and it gets predictable and overdone.

Jock (Bettany) carrying Mortdecai (Depp) at the airport.

This movie is a boring caper story that uses the predictable humor as a device to go through the motions and to progress the movie faster. However, that device slows down the film and wanted me to get up from my seat in the theater and go home. Plus, there's a little too much slapstick humor that is dry and the buffoonery is over stylized and overdone as it manipulates us to laugh with them but we're not. All we hear is the sound of silence and maybe, some coughing. And, I ask myself, "Would I rather get sick and stay home than watching this movie?" Yep, I would.

Johnny Depp is a charismatic actor who uses charm and is a chameleon who blends into different surroundings and it is a proven why he is a secret ingredient to a movie project. He can bring a character or a movie to life. He sort of brings that character to life, but, it is a familiar caricature of Inspector Clouseau and Austin Powers. But, his charm does not bring the movie to life at all. Paltrow just does not bring anything real or new, just a concerned wife who wants to help and she catches, in a clichéd scene, Mordecai with another woman (Olivia Munn). Ewan McGregor is humorless as a British agent. At least, Paul Bettany is having a fun time with his character as he plays a selfless and respectful man who is always on his side.

The movie is a caravan of dry and familiar jokes that treks all over the globe but has our minds desperately begging to on another excursion to reality. A few jokes work here and there and Bettany has wit and Depp has very few moments of original humor and wit, but, there's a film full of wasted dialogue and talent that is lackadaisical. This adventure is hardly intrepid that you want to jump on your feet repeatedly like a kid wanting some candy at a store. It is another boring January release and another weak movie in the canon of Johnny Depp's resumé.

*1/2