Skip to main content

The Last Witch Hunter (2015), PG-13, ★

Vin Diesel trying to combat another bad movie. 
Um, Vin Diesel, as a witch-hunter, is cursed with eternal life in the 14th century? Sounds sweet, eh? Not really. This is the second movie where eternal life is brought upon a character, the first movie being the better, but not quite unforgettable The Age of Adeline with Blake Lively and Harrison Ford. Eternal life is sad because you have to persuade yourself to witness about every event and every tragedy in your life, parents' life and friends' life. You don't get to go on that same parallel journey. But, let's not talk psychology and philosophy. This is just another general wasted film in a niche of fantasy movies. But, who is the niche?

Kaulder (Vin Diesel) is an 800-year-old witch hunter cursed with eternal life by the Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht). A bunch of dudes enter a lair like it is another LOTR sequence except the whole sequence is incomprehensible and not as engaging. But, then we have to wait until the end of the fight to see who made it won as he kills the Witch Queen. After that, he is cursed with immortality.

The next time we see him on screen he is shaved and kicking some witches to the curb. Now, this is where it gets confusing. We meet Dolan the 36th (Michael Caine) and he is aging to his fate basically.  For retirement, he introduces to Kaulder his replacement, Dolan the 37th (Elijah Wood). However, he investigates a conspiracy regarding the resurrection of the Witch Queen with some assistance from a good witch, Chloe (Rose Leslie of Game of Thrones fame). However, we have to move on to another heavy visual-effects spectacle of a battle sequence.

Let's kick some ass.
It's hard enough to dissect who is fighting who, who is going to win and also what it's at stake. Trust me, if I were to give you a test, you will fail because I cannot really summarize pieces of the plot together and it's like a kid wrecking a puzzle and throwing the puzzle pieces all over the room and finding them. There are flashes of trashy fun and guilty pleasure in its entertaining summary of them fighting and playing some sort of childish fantasy fun. Again, it's not a Dr. Seuss novel, it's baffling and confusing and also the story is uninteresting.

Vin Diesel can still pick bad and uninteresting projects. He has charisma for a big and muscular guy in the Fast and Furious series. He is playing the same character, except he does not have a muscular car. Michael Caine must have been in this movie because of a paycheck because he is basically lying down most of the film. Elijah Wood's performance is ultimately one-dimensional and forgettable as the sidekick. Rose Leslie has acting chops for sure but she is cast the female lead to look into Vin Diesel's eyes.

This is one of the rare reviews as to myself not completing comprehensible sentences because the movie does not make much sense. I was at a loss for words after the movie was over as I questioned myself what I was watching. As long I don't remain immortal to watch another sequel of this movie, I'll be ok.

*

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2015 Documentaries

I have only seen 6 documentaries this year which also includes Amy and I Am Chris Farley . But, I have to be honest, this has not been a particularly strong year for documentaries except for onethat got me emotionally and mentally as what I examine for when they uncover the truth or some facts from the people involved in these documentaries. But, here are the four I have seen this year: Listen To Me Marlon, Unrated, 4 stars This is the most insightful documentary of the year as we only hear Marlon Brando narrating his life and experiences what he has gone through regarding his family, his private life and his film experiences regarding The Godfather , Apocalypse Now , Last Tango in Paris , etc. It is like Marlon Brando came out of his grave to give us another profoundly moving movie only we hear his voice and scenery and nothing else. The Look of Silence, R, 3.5 stars Joshua Oppenheimer's follow-up documentary is a light-hearted but still-disturbing film regarding a ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Daddy's Home 2 (2017), PG-13, ★1/2

The first Daddy's Home was surprisingly a financial success as I thought it was not as bad as many people thought. I thought it was a solid cable watch because it had enough laughs for that sort of mixed recommendation. I was not craving for a sequel for this movie because again, comedy sequels have a very bad record, however, the only difference is that it is not too late since the first movie came out a few years ago. But, this sequel is a reminder as to why we do not need a sequel to a hit comedy because this is a pretty much forgettable comedy, especially a holiday comedy...which I hade a guilty pleasure for. This did not work for me. Brad and Dusty (Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg) have become friends after the events of the first film and they set up a co-dad system where their two children, Megan and Dylan, spending time at each father's home. Dusty has re-married to writer Karen (Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio) and he is step-dad to Adrianna, Karen...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), R, 4 stars

The stockbrokers worshipping Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) like a god. Wall Street. The clients, the adrenaline, the stocks, the money, the power, and the decadence. The former three pertains to the man's job, but the latter three pertains what any stockbroker wants in order to have the freedom to do whatever they want with the client's money. As Mark Hanna (Matthew McConaughey) would say, "The name of the game is: move the money from your client's pocket into your pocket." We basically spend three hours seeing all of these Wall-Street scumbags steal the clients' money into their own pockets and spend it on booze, drugs, women, and other insane things in more insane activities. I have witnessed here is a great movie that I would not watch repetitively. The movie starts with Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) blowing cocaine onto a hooker's butt and he and his brokers throwing a little person onto a board with a dollar sign in the center. It'...
Post a Comment
Read more