The Last Witch Hunter (2015), PG-13, ★

Vin Diesel trying to combat another bad movie. 

Um, Vin Diesel, as a witch-hunter, is cursed with eternal life in the 14th century? Sounds sweet, eh? Not really. This is the second movie where eternal life is brought upon a character, the first movie being the better, but not quite unforgettable The Age of Adeline with Blake Lively and Harrison Ford. Eternal life is sad because you have to persuade yourself to witness about every event and every tragedy in your life, parents' life and friends' life. You don't get to go on that same parallel journey. But, let's not talk psychology and philosophy. This is just another general wasted film in a niche of fantasy movies. But, who is the niche?

Kaulder (Vin Diesel) is an 800-year-old witch hunter cursed with eternal life by the Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht). A bunch of dudes enter a lair like it is another LOTR sequence except the whole sequence is incomprehensible and not as engaging. But, then we have to wait until the end of the fight to see who made it won as he kills the Witch Queen. After that, he is cursed with immortality.

The next time we see him on screen he is shaved and kicking some witches to the curb. Now, this is where it gets confusing. We meet Dolan the 36th (Michael Caine) and he is aging to his fate basically.  For retirement, he introduces to Kaulder his replacement, Dolan the 37th (Elijah Wood). However, he investigates a conspiracy regarding the resurrection of the Witch Queen with some assistance from a good witch, Chloe (Rose Leslie of Game of Thrones fame). However, we have to move on to another heavy visual-effects spectacle of a battle sequence.

Let's kick some ass.

It's hard enough to dissect who is fighting who, who is going to win and also what it's at stake. Trust me, if I were to give you a test, you will fail because I cannot really summarize pieces of the plot together and it's like a kid wrecking a puzzle and throwing the puzzle pieces all over the room and finding them. There are flashes of trashy fun and guilty pleasure in its entertaining summary of them fighting and playing some sort of childish fantasy fun. Again, it's not a Dr. Seuss novel, it's baffling and confusing and also the story is uninteresting.

Vin Diesel can still pick bad and uninteresting projects. He has charisma for a big and muscular guy in the Fast and Furious series. He is playing the same character, except he does not have a muscular car. Michael Caine must have been in this movie because of a paycheck because he is basically lying down most of the film. Elijah Wood's performance is ultimately one-dimensional and forgettable as the sidekick. Rose Leslie has acting chops for sure but she is cast the female lead to look into Vin Diesel's eyes.

This is one of the rare reviews as to myself not completing comprehensible sentences because the movie does not make much sense. I was at a loss for words after the movie was over as I questioned myself what I was watching. As long I don't remain immortal to watch another sequel of this movie, I'll be ok.

*