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Fifty Shades Freed (2018), R, ★


Praise the Lord. It's over! Why is the series a phenomenon in the realms of the novelistic world? It is escapist entertainment for the target audience. Ok...obviously, I was not going in with much hope due to the fact that the first movie was terrible but with some shots of gorgeous cinematography, the second movie was laughably atrocious. Now, last year, the filmmakers and writers capped an underrated trilogy, the rebooted Planet of the Apes trilogy with War, which was a brilliant end. Here, we have a polar opposite end in which you can debate which was the better pile of trash, the second movie or the finale of this trilogy. Yeah, the filmmakers and writers capped off an awful trilogy in such a brilliant fashion: it's a total mess.

It is no secret that in the end of the second movie, Christian proposes to Anastasia. It seems that we need to get the whole story from Luis from Ant-Man to tell the whole recap of both Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker, at least, it will be entertaining. Anyway, I digress, the movie opens on the wedding day of Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) with all of their friends and family in attendance. After the reception, they go straight to their honeymoon to Europe where they consummate their marriage.

Meanwhile, back at Grey Enterprises, a bomb was implanted setting off a fire. Christian's assistants informs him of the situation and as Ana and Christian look at the footage, Ana identifies the suspect as Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson), Ana's former boss who is presumably seeking revenge against Christian for getting Jack fired. When they return home, Christian hires two bodyguards to protect Ana and also hires an assistant, Mrs. Jones (Fay Masterson) to help around the house. However, Jack is on both on their trails and is inching to kill either Christian, Ana or both of them.


Um....boring. There are so many problems in the narrative that I cannot even reveal because some of it is spoilers but there was an unfunny foreshadowing joke that actually haunts Christian because he is not ready to be a father, however, it is a thread that threatens Christian's routine but it is not handled well and/or handled imperfectly. However, when always a situation or a scene begins, something always has to be interrupted and it is so predictable because of the movie's set-up. It opens with such sunny delight because they are married and they have kinky sex but the past creeps up on them like it is some sort of Stephen King thriller, however, this is much worse because of the occurring continuity problems, the boring sex scenes and also the dialogue.

It's not entirely the performers' fault. Dakota Johnson still can radiate some sort of energy and I can believe she can give a good performance because Kristen Stewart was taking heat because of her terrible performances from the Twilight series. Go see either Clouds of Sils Maria or Personal Shopper. However, Jamie Dornan has gotten worse because he looks still sound more monotonic reciting his lines to either Anastasia or other characters. In this movie, he had the sound of a professor's voice of putting people to sleep during the lecture. Yes, we meet other people from the other series and new people like Rita Ora who are there. But they are pawns to the "plot". Here's the twist to this movie: Everybody woke up after the movie was over.

Does director James Foley know that he was making a movie? It is because there is not plot. It is a movie full of occurrences, coincidences that do not interconnect well enough to get you to care. Again, the soundtrack is fine but while used this time around, it is now distracting. It is even used during a chase scene and what happens after that...well, if you guess sex, you are correct. This movie has no drama because it loses drama due to unintentional funny segues that loses you and makes you feel stupid. Here's the thing why it deserves a star, but barely, it is Dakota Johnson again. There are moments where they is a spark of attention from her performance but her performance is almost drained with the garbage. This is a poorly adapted trilogy that is riddled with unlikable characters and terrible executions of messages addressing sexual harassment, greed, murder and corruption. This movie is a video game to brainwash you for a week or two. Wow, this is a start for my "Worst of 2018" list. But, thank God it is over. I cannot believe that I found a worse series than the Twilight series. Well, here it is.

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