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Gods of Egypt (2016), PG-13, 0 stars

He's thinking, "Great paycheck, terrible movie on my resume."
All right. There are bad movies. There are bad movies that are entertaining. And, there is garbage. Guess which category Gods of Egypt falls in? That's right. GARBAGE! This is probably one of the most laughably bad movies I've seen in a long time. And, sword-and-sorcery movies are not my cup of tea but when done real well, they turn into: Raiders of the Lost Ark or maybe, Spartacus. But, this movie was the epitome of a nail being stepped on and it is painful when you start jumping up and down.

I'm not going to waste my time writing a regular review because this movie is hilariously inept in its stupidity and the result is like light being absent during the filmmaking of this movie. We cannot see the talent involved or the specialty behind the scenes. It's a cash-grab. It's basically Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau), lord of the air, trying to reclaim the crown from his god-uncle, Set (Gerard Butler). Set basically orders all the gods and mortals to kneel before him as he plucks out Horus' eyes. A year passes under Set's rules and those who do not obey him are punished (thrown into slavery) or killed. A mortal young man, Bek (Brenton Thwaites), sets out to find Horus' eyes to get him to help poor Bek. Ugh....

Look, the actors look like they're making fun of Alex Proyas', the director's, latest effort who has done the visually-stunning Dark City but the disappointing Knowing. His track record has gone downhill big time with this movie. The special effects look terrible, the PG-13 rating does not do any justice and the actors look like that they are being punished to be in this movie. It's like Proyas seducing the actors, Butler and Coster-Waldeau, with so much but promises that it'll be decent at best. The movie is like Titanic, The Lion King, The Mummy and The Ten Commandments meshed into one awful salty milkshake. It's like the movie has no soul to become at least, an entertaining guilty pleasure. This movie is so stupid with cliches and schlocky visual effects.

ZERO


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